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May302016

Time Waster Not Welcome In My Life

Sometimes I sit back and wonder what have I done in my life and it's so depressing. Everything I've ever tried to do I've stuffed up. I never really got much praise with anything I've tried to do. Even in a his day and age I still find it hard. I don't know what it is but I've always had issues with others listening to me. I end up in a place where I've second guessing myself and that is not good. I've always tried to help other to the best I can but its never enough. Yes I've made mistakes in my life and I don't need people shaving it in my face. I guess it's times when your in trouble is when you find out just who your friends are. When I was down in Melbourne in hospital after my heart attacks did I get anyone come in and see me? No. Everyone that did know had better things to do. So while laying in a hospital bed watching everyone else have family and friends come and visit them I had no one. Oh wait I had one friend come and see me, he cut short his trip to come in but there was no one else. Like is said its those times when you really find out who your friends are. When they put other things ahead of you it really makes you feel wanted.

I never expected family come and see me because they never knew and nor would they be interested in what's happen. In fact they would be hoping I didn't make it. I hear you say no they wouldn't, family wouldn't be like that. Well it's true, I was told this directly. In fact I was told that I was more than likely lying about it happening. This is the bullshit I've had to deal with. But I know that those that were in my life and doing so much better now that I'm out of their lives. This tells me I wasn't any good for them. At the start it hurt me to think this but I woke up and it's not all about me, as long as these people are happier that's the main thing and I'm happy for them. I was always the black sheep in the family and I always knew they would be much better off without me. They could have always contacted me, I wasn't hard to find. It would take one phone call to one person but it never happened. Even when I reached out I copped the cold shoulder so whey be around those that don't want me around. Why should I be somewhere where I'm nit wanted, it would be just stupid and a waste of time.

I came to a fork in the road of my life and I took the wrong road and I'm paying for that mistake and others are making me know this. I don't need to be reminded so you can stop reminding me. It's take a big person to forgive someone, how big are you? In saying this when your life is much better now why would you want to forgive? You won't because your happier now then you were. I'm so over other treating me like shit. It's time to change the way I do things in my life.

I've been trying to get things improved in a group I'm apart of but because there is other that don't understand and live in the dark ages I've found myself banging my head against a brick wall and now I'm over it. I'm decided to just do my own thing and not waste my time when I'm treated like an idiot. Why should I waste my time on people or groups that don't want it. So from now on I will be keeping my mouth shut and not be bothered. Will I be supported for this? I'm guessing I won't be and this is another issue.

So as of today the 30th May 2016 I will no longer waste my time on those that either won't listen or I feel will be wasting my time. I will share ,y knowledge with those that want it or ask for it. No more will I try to help others. Today is the day. I'm over wasting my time. I will do my thing and work on my own projects that will help me. I've been disappointed by others too many times and treated like a mushroom. So it's time to change and today is the time. The new me.

 

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